BONDING COMPASSION - day 38 TIFERET sh b’YESOD

PSALMS OF MY SOUL

TIFERET sh b’YESOD ~ Bonding Compassion in Friendship

Kabbalistic Sephirat HaOmer -  ספירת העומר

Counting Omer day 38, 5 full weeks and 3 days of the Omer

Today's Stories of Friendship

© Joy Krauthammer 

TIFERET sh b’YESOD ~ Bonding Compassion in Friendship

-  Joy Krauthammer 

As I may send out my Omer writing before sunset, it is because I am relating to the fact that many on-line friends are in later time zones, up to ten hours ahead, and in compassion, I am mamash/truly also in that overlapping zone mode.

Yesod/bonding needs to be in Tiferet/compassion as well as loving.

Readying for TIFERET sh b’YESOD, as I mamash do each day, not only day 38, because of Yesod/bonding, I involve myself in empathetically feeling for others' situations, desire, pain… I like to also function in Tiferet’s truth, beauty and harmony, in addition to compassion.

Rabbi Simon Jacobson writes today in his Meaningful Life Omer: "Exercise for the day: Offer help and support in dealing with an ordeal of someone with whom you have bonded." 
I go beyond, also supporting others with whom I have NOT already bonded. To 'bond' is not the reason for my sharing myself, my joy, or doing mitzvot. How about you?

In the following current everal situations I didn’t withdraw, but bonded in friendship, and went forward in compassion. I practice Bikkur Cholim / visiting the sick.

At times with others not written about below, I may withdraw for various reasons. Can't always do what I would like to do, or be better at doing.

Today, without even telling one friend I was going forward with her healing desire for a particular action while she is preparing for treatment since having recent serious surgery, I wrote another mutual friend who can help manifest the healing friend’s desire. I do understand what it is she wants. I hope this shidduch / match works, matching a desire with a source. In MBA school we learned to “find a niche and fill it.” 

As a (former) medical social worker, my supervisor on first day taught, never tell a client/patient you understand what they are feeling. I’ve kept that close all these decades. In that era, I don’t think I felt compassion, nor love for my patients.  I felt present in an active administrative role to get their needs met as quickly as possible for the 100 patients at all times. When patients said to me, “G*d bless you” I didn’t even understand at that time what they were saying, but I did get their physical needs met.

Hours ago, I sent a new bright yellow sunflower photo to a recovering shul friend. I can’t empathize with the medical situation, but I can with the feelings of difficulty, and not being independent, and not being 'up to snuff’. Truly feeling for this friend in need, I do what I can long distance, feeling more bonded than before.

Almost daily for the last couple years, I visit an elderly friend who needs eye drops in her eyes. I know what it feels like to be in need of medical assistance. Loving this friend, in compassion, I visit and help. It is not a chore to drive a few blocks and visit. I am grateful that I can be of service. In prior years our bonding strengthened during good times of sharing. Our friendship is a blesSing.

Today another friend shared with me only hours following Mother’s Day, that over 5 decades ago she lost her mom, z"l, before she was even 10. She wasn’t allowed to visit her mom in the hospital for that year. That is heartbreaking and in empathy I cried when I read her words. Being speechless, I sent hugs. I hope I was compassionate and not only seeing a similar situation. I wasn’t allowed to visit my mom, z"l, in hospital for the 5 months before she died, but then I was 21, an adult, not a child. The more this friend and I write, the stronger grows the friendship of truly caring and happy for each other's joy's, not only compassionate in the trials.

My daughter at 11 years, I also didn’t allow to visit her father when he was comatose for 3 months following serious surgeries. Like my friend’s family, I didn’t want my daughter to see her beloved father 'out of it', and with blood-filled tubes coming from his body. As my daughter later matured and until the time she was 21 at his death, she saw all the tubes, and comatose states, images I hope she can erase. I see the love and compassion my daughter had for her father, z”l.

Yesterday on Mother's Day, I felt for my friends who have lost their beloved mother's in the last year or so, or more, and sent love. Friends also send their caring to me. On the eve of Mother's Day, I spent time with my sister at her suggestion. I'm across the country from my daugher, and it was my husband's birthday, or would have been, and as I do also every Shabbat, I called his mother, 93 now. Felt good to be with sister.

Late at night I read the daily blog from a widow whom I know, rebbetzin of my rebbe, z"l, and respond to the day's writing with my own note and maybe with the gift of personalized art that I create for her.  I don't think there is a bond with the woman in my regular responding, not a friendship, but I write to be supportive, wanting her to feel heard, embraced, safe, and because I do care. Because I, too, am a widow, I can understand a bit more than others of the loss and grief the widow is experiencing for almost a year. In addition, at times I can offer practical advice also out of compassion, but that does not give us a bond of friendship, even with my mostly daily responses of sending love and blesSings. I am doing this also for my rebbe, z"l, and because I can.

Throughout the days, not only on Omer day 38, my compassionate and loving actions are from bonding in friendship and family love, and doing Mitzvot and Bikkur Cholim. I share healing love in actions as best I can. Not always ideal, but in honesty. Emes/truth, too, is Tiferet. I am grateful for those who have bonded with me for all their reasons, and I am recipient of their compassion and everlasting love. Today I received a Mother's Day greeting card in slow snail mail from my sister, and received and shared lots of loving virtual friendship on e-mail and FaceBook. I'm sharing this Omer essay on FaceBook as I do each day. Maybe I'll even e-mail to dear ones.

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May the refinement work of cosmic cleansing that I do on myself during the 49 days of Kabbalistically Counting the Sephirat HaOmer help me to mamash/truly be who I am, and I am becoming. I need to delete the klipot/husks (negative influences) and again ready myself for Shavuot by strengthening, elevating and perfecting my midot/character traits.

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