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Kabbalistic Sephirat HaOmer day 29 ספירת העומר
CARING WITHIN GRATITUDE - DAY 29 CHESED sh b’HODhttp://sephirathaomer.blogspot.com/2015/04/caring-within-gratitude-day-29-chesed.html
© Joy Krauthammer
Today is Sephirat HaOmer day 29, 4 weeks and 1 day. What I now notice and acknowledge is that my giving actions on this day are in the universal energies of today’s Omer day 29, CHESED sh b’HOD. That makes me happy to know I am in alignment.
1. Without yet doing the Omer Count or Bracha last night when sun set, without realizing consciously what pair of energies the universe is in –last night I wrote a letter to daughter of my closest dear friend Edith, obm, whose memorial was last week. Letter wasn’t anymore about my grief, sadness and loss. I had reached beyond myself and made room to sincerely share my gratitude in writing and give thanks. Grateful also to G*d that my friend didn’t have to suffer for long at end of her life. I shared with the daughter, my age, in humility and love, how grateful I was that with her endurance she cared for her almost 95 year old mom at mom’s home so that Edith could remain at her own home in the last couple years, and especially last couple months since being in a hospital, and also at home on hospice. Edith had walked safely and well for a couple years with a walker until she went to a hospital for a pacemaker a couple months ago.
It is hard for the loving caregiver to be in charge and I was acknowledging daughter's lovingkindness, and also my gratitude. I think my humility caused me to be more loving and giving to the family while I am grieving. I had never before hugged the daughter, and easily and in my own grief, on her mother’s death, I was able to truly give the daughter (and other adult children) my deep sympathy for their love to their mother and for their loss. On this particular Omer day I wrote a letter of love and understanding to the one daughter living with Edith, yet had written earlier letters to all the family.
2. This morning, early, almost 6AM my time, I called my 86 year old friend Geneva, a former social worker colleague of mine in “Bed-Stuy the new hipster ‘hood” of Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn, NY, USA. (It sits between Crown Heights and Williamsburg and when I worked there was known as Brooklyn’s Harlem.) Geneva was my unofficial mentor. She was a Black woman in a mostly black neighborhood (those were her people) and I was not black and needed to learn a lot, quickly, on the job. Geneva living in S. Carolina is now bed bound (like our patients used to be), and it’s lately very hard to understand her words.
I guess because all my other dear elder friends had died, I thought (wrongly) Geneva too must had died, especially since my last phone call hadn’t been answered. I had not received a Pesach card last month from Geneva and I had neglected to send an Easter card to her. (My best friend Edith had died Easter week). Since the early 1970’s from when we worked together, but then I moved to California, Geneva and I stayed in touch for holidays and birthdays. Our cards also went out for Christmas and Chanukah. Geneva said she has no way to get now to the store to buy a card. Her granddaughter lives with her, and there is outside agency help. Uncomfortably, I felt like I was in our old role as I asked her about how she was doing. I recall that until her husband Eddie, obm, died five years ago, Geneva was lovingly at his side for years every day in the nursing home, even when he was not communicative. Geneva kept me up to which of our former colleagues had died, even when too young, and sadly sent newspaper clippings or memorial flyers and we mourned together the death of colleagues; Black, Indian or Jewish white. We also laughed alot together. I'll call the remaining colleagues and tell them about Geneva, our matriarch.
So this morning I spent loving time in gratitude that i could speak to Geneva, although trying hard with difficulty to understand her speech. I got the e-mail address from her granddaughter Erica and immediately sent some recent happy photos to Geneva via Erica of my daughter and her family, hoping it would give Geneva a smile. Forty-five years later, Geneva can see my grey hair. No more cute young ponytails. Geneva met my Aviva when Aviva was age 2 when we traveled to NY in the late 1970’s. Now Aviva’s youngest is almost two. I can hear Geneva's laugh as she will view the photos.
What I realized after both writing and calling to friends was that my actions were totally in the energies of today’s Omer day 29, CHESED sh b’HOD.
May I continue to remember friends and their goodness, so they are not forgotten, while they can receive my love, and I can share pleasure with them.
© Joy Krauthammer 5778
Edith's daughter's Blue Sky flowers in Edith's garden
© Joy Krauthammer
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